The poppy in Anns garden filled my palms today. So big, so gorgeous.
Except the dazzling red, the colour that striked me was the dark matt purple of the seeds inside.
And the glowing black drawn petals inside the actual petals.
Such outstanding beauty!
Ann said we can now do the Smooth Step and think of the poppy.
I felt my hands move like opening petals and my legs grounded in the earth like the stable but also flexible poppy stalk.
So inspiring!
I so hope I can inspire people like Ann and the poppy did for me today.
Such greatness and gratefullness.
Most people in London have forgotten how to have fun.
They are used to buying things, buying food, buying clothes, buying fun, buying drugs.
Drugs is an effortless way to have fun.
Why should that be cool?
I never considered laziness cool or sexy.
Why can't people just let loose and trust the others?
Why can't they open and let go of their fears?
So feared and miserable, yeah, continue doing drugs.
So, just not to end this post with a negative note, and to give an alternative approach to what I see in London:
Listening to my favorite radio station playing this song:
I came to some insights.
It's this thin and fusy border between braveness and masochism that keeps confusing me.
"Strong like me!" would Clayton say about me.
I would say yeah, yest strong like me and kind of careless like me.
Strong, I can take it. So let's hit and be hit.
And just a bit of sufferring is good, makes me feel alive.
Else, life is too boring.
In any case, the underlying principle (apart from being bored) is the least possible restriction of my freedom to express myself and live my life as I want. (oh, so much I, me, my and myself in one sentence..)
At the same time it is difficult to combine it with my need for warthm and cosyness.
I miss my friends. They would be a big hug and a shoulder to fall asleep on.
Then no unnecessary bonding would happen. Or maybe not.
But I cannot test it anyway, so no point in thinking about it.
My brother told me recently that a good practice is, when you talk to others, to try to forget what you want from them. I tried it yesterday and it was so liberating. But it is more difficult with the ones you want more of. I will keep trying though, cause it is most probably liberating for the other person, too. You would not impose any type of underlying pressure. And freedom is precious.
